Leaving: Emotions
From HPAlumnipedia
...A Short Essay
From the HPAlumnipedia (www.hpalumnipedia.com) on Thursday, August 28, 2008 at 07:22 • Page last modified: 8/18/2007
HPAlumnipedia > Leaving HP > Leaving: Emotions
Alan Silverstein, Fall 2002:
Even trying to keep a good attitude and being in a pretty good position to handle it, the layoff process was for me a surprisingly emotional roller coaster ride. If you're all over the map too, rest assured you're not alone. For perspective just hang around an LHH center a while and listen to what you hear. Being "kicked out of the tribe" kind of sucks even when you're half glad of it and/or see it coming; and I've sure met a lot of people who were neither.
Leaving HP was not my first choice, but after 25 years and watching the company change, and having tentatively planned to semi-retire around now anyway, the layoff notice wasn't totally terrible for me. I had more forewarning than most people of the impending bad news. My project (now open-sourced) was on the chopping block for not making any profit, and three of the four team members took EER (Enhanced Early Retirement). (I was four years too young.)
I did a lot of unexpected "emotional work" prior to my formal notice, so when I finally got the word I was as much relieved, even exhilarated, as disappointed (see my "press release"). However, coming back to reality, including learning new skills and models at the LHH center, was not always easy and upbeat!
Months later, I've graduated (grin) from the HP payroll, received my severance bonus, and used up my time at LHH. Fortunately I have not felt financial pressure to search for (any) work in a hurry, but I talk with many others and their pain and desperation affects me. I feel pretty lucky, and I kid people that I am, "self-actualizing at the top of Maslow's Triangle" -- which means I have only "high quality angst!" (But still lots of it!) (Nov 2003: Less angst now that I have figured out I am merely, "waiting for the economy to improve," yeah, that's it!)
Overall, I think HP was surprisingly humane, generous, and competent in its handling of the layoffs, at least in 2002, obviously with some exceptions. However, as I was steeped in Bill and Dave's culture, an alumnus of the old HP Way, I still have this sad feeling that "having" to do layoffs, being painted into that particular corner, represents... (Well, never mind, I struck a few sentences here that I decided were more disparaging than I intended or desired.)
Postscript, Apr 2004: After nearly two years off work, living off savings, debating the rest of my life, doing a lot of networking and half-heartedly submitting job applications, and after ten months of email discussion about a possible contract position, HP brought me back as a contractor in April, 2004. Yay.
Postscript, Feb 2007: Well that was interesting! After two more years as an HP contractor, I had to take 100 days off. And during my forced "sabbatical", HP had a hiring freeze, so I couldn't return for another round. Meanwhile though, I found similar contract work, on the same site, for Avago Technologies (spinoff of Agilent, child of HP), starting exactly at the end of my 100 days off. My desk is now about 30 feet from where I moved into Fort Collins site, Building 1, the day it opened -- April 7, 1978.
